joke bank - Word Play Jokes

Johnny was at school and the teacher said, "Someone use fascinate in a sentence." Sally answered, "The zoo was fascinating." The teacher said, "Sorry, Sally, I said to use fascinate in a sentence." Maria suggested, "I was fascinated at the zoo." Once again the teacher said, "No, Maria, I specifically said to use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny said, "My sister has ten buttons on her sweater." Again the teacher said, "Sorry, Johnny, I said use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny replied, "I know, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."

Will Morga...

Q: What happens once in a minute and twice in a moment but never in a decade?
A: The letter "m."

Iggy

Q: Did your hear about the man with a broken left arm and broken left leg?
A: Don't worry he's "ALRIGHT" now!

Brucey

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

Mark My Words

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parents' names?" The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling." The teacher said, "Are you kidding?" The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking."

Anonymous

I went to the bank the other day and asked the banker to check my balance, so she pushed me!

Anonymous

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: Because they don't know where home is.

the chicken

Helium walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here." Helium doesn't react.

Anonymous

A little girl and her older brother were visiting their grandfather's farm. The older brother decided to play a trick on his younger sister. He told her that he discovered a man-eating chicken. The girl was frightened, and ran inside in fear. Then the older brother heard his little sister scream. He ran inside immediately. She was screaming at their grandfather, who was chowing down on a plate of fried chicken. "What is it?" he asked. The sister turned to him in fear and said," It- it's- IT'S A MAN EATING CHICKEN!!!"

ChickenFin...

A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, "You can stay but don't try to start anything."

Anonymous

Q. What is the color of the wind?
A. Blew.

hello_the_...

Q: Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
A: Because it’s pointless!

Anonymous