One night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, "Acts 2:38: 'Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'" The robber quickly gave up & the lady rang the police. While handcuffing the criminal, a policeman said, "Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily. How come you gave up so quickly?" The robber said, "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"
Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: It's okay. He woke up.
If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They're normally around 90 degrees.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Show him a used tampon and ask, "What period is this from?"
Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?