One night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, "Acts 2:38: 'Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'" The robber quickly gave up & the lady rang the police. While handcuffing the criminal, a policeman said, "Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily. How come you gave up so quickly?" The robber said, "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Show him a used tampon and ask, "What period is this from?"
Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They're normally around 90 degrees.
Q: What did Obi-Wan say to Luke at the breakfast table?
A: "Use the fork, Luke."