What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"
Q: Why was six scared of seven?
A: Because seven "ate" nine.
Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.