joke bank - Sexist Jokes

They say that married men live the longest. It's ironic, since they're the ones most willing to die.

ahudson1982

What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.

Paige123

What happens when you give a politician Viagra? He gets taller.

Anonymous

What is a man's ultimate shame? When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and grabs his nose first!

NKEEFER401

How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.

LaughFactory

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"

RainbowFish18

Why does it take one million sperm to fertilize one egg? They don't stop and ask for directions.

LaughFactory

I have received hundreds of replies to my ad for a husband. They all say the same thing - "Take mine."

alipatak

I have discovered the answer to a question that has been puzzling scientists for hundreds of years. What is the exact difference between a split second and a nanosecond? My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a movie when, right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. She asked, “Does this make my butt look big?” If I had said “no” in a nanosecond, we’d have been out the door. Since I took a split second, she had to go to the mall and buy new outfits with jewelry, shoes, and purses to match.

shedpal

Q: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
A: About fifty pounds.

Mark My Words

Q: Why is a woman with no breasts a pirate's delight?
A: Because she has a sunken chest.

Bill52

Little Johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment, "Explain the difference between a theory and reality." Little Johnny goes home and is so stumped he asks his sisters ages 21 and 16 for help, and they can't come up with anything either. He then tries asking his father. The father thinks for a bit and replies, "Go to your older sister and ask her if she would suck a guys dick. Then ask her if she would do it for a million dollars. Then go to your younger sister and ask her the same two questions. Write down their answers and bring it back to me." Johnny says, "Okay," and runs off to find his older sister. He asks her the first question and she responds, "Maybe, if I like him." "Would you do it for a million dollars?" She replies, "Hell yes!" He finds the younger sister and asks her the same questions. Her first reply was "Eeeew, no!" but the second answer was "Yeah, sure." Johnny writes down their answers and takes them back to his father. The father looks over them and replies, "There you go." Johnny asks, "What do you mean?" The father says, "Well in theory we have two million dollars, but in reality we have two cocksuckers."

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