Q: What do you call an ocean voyage where everyone stays in the closet?
A: A Tom Cruise.
How much coke has Charlie Sheen snorted? Enough to kill two and a half men.
The Little Rascal's class were having a spelling test. The teacher asks if anyone can use the word "admire" in a sentence. Spanky raises his hand and says, "I admire my dog." "Good job," the teacher replies, "Now, who can use 'respect' in a sentence?" Alfalfa raises his hand and says, "I respect Spanky for admiring his dog." "Ok, " replies the teacher, "now who can use the word 'dictate' in a sentence?" There is silence in the class, then all of a sudden Buckwheat says, "Darla how did my dictate !?!"
Why did LaBron James skip college? Because he would never make it to the finals!
Dear NASA, Your mom thought I was big enough. - Pluto