Why did LaBron James skip college? Because he would never make it to the finals!
How much coke has Charlie Sheen snorted? Enough to kill two and a half men.
What kind of sushi does Lady Gaga eat? Raw, raw, raw, raw, rawwww!
The Little Rascal's class were having a spelling test. The teacher asks if anyone can use the word "admire" in a sentence. Spanky raises his hand and says, "I admire my dog." "Good job," the teacher replies, "Now, who can use 'respect' in a sentence?" Alfalfa raises his hand and says, "I respect Spanky for admiring his dog." "Ok, " replies the teacher, "now who can use the word 'dictate' in a sentence?" There is silence in the class, then all of a sudden Buckwheat says, "Darla how did my dictate !?!"
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
A: Santa stops after three hos.