Q: What does a vegan zombie eat?
Cow goes who?
No, cow goes "Moo!"
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
One day at school, little Jimmy needed to go to the restroom so he raised his hand. The strict substitute teacher asked him to say the full alphabet before she would let him go. "But Miss, I am bursting to go," said Jimmy. "You may go, but after you say the full alphabet." "A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z," he said. Catching his mistake, the substitute asked, "Jimmy, where is the 'P?'" He answered, "Halfway down my legs, Miss."
Q: Why did the reporter rush into the ice cream shop?
A: He was looking for a scoop.