I decided to make my password "incorrect" because if I type it in wrong, my computer will remind me, "Your password is incorrect."
A priest is sitting in a confession box and has to go to the bathroom. He calls an alter boy over and says, "I have to go pee and I need you to take over." Not knowing what to do, the alter boy asks for help. The priest says, "Just give them a few Hail Marys and send them on their way." Soon after, a blonde woman walks in the booth and says, "Forgive me father. I have committed a sin. I gave my boyfriend a blowjob." The alter boy is confused, so he asks another nearby alter boy, "What does the priest usually give for a blowjob?" The second alter boy replies, "I don't know about you, but my price is a candy bar and a Pepsi."
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ level.
A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
Q: How can you tell a blonde has been having a bad day?
A: She has a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
Yo momma's so fat that Mount Everest tried to climb her.
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux was friends. One day, Boudreaux saw Thibodeaux driving a brand new Ford. He said, "Thibodeaux, where'd you get that new truck? You don't have no job." Tibodeaux said, "You know Mrs. Patty? She's been sweet on me for quite some time. Today, she took me out into the woods in this here truck. She got out the truck, took off all her clothes, and said, 'Thibodeaux, take what you want.' So I took the truck." Boudreaux said, "Well dats good for you Thibodeaux, because her clothes would never fit you."
A blonde lady was stuck in a snowstorm when she remembered her dad's advice: "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait until a snowplow drives by and then follow it." Eventually she saw a snowplow so she followed it along in her car. After 30 minutes, the snowplow driver stopped, got out, and walked up to the woman's car asking, "Lady, why are you following me?" She explained what her father had told her and the driver said, "Well I'm done with the Walmart parking lot now. Do you want to follow me to Best Buy?"
It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home. When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?" The baby mosquito replied, "It went great. Everyone was clapping for me!"
Q: How do they know that Paul Walker had dandruff?
A: They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
Yo mamma so stupid, she put a quarter in the parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.
Yo mama so fat that I would insult her, but cows are sacred where I come from.
Q: Why do the French eat snails?
A: They don't like fast food.
Q: Why do Jewish women love circumcised men?
A: Because they like 20 percent off.
Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a vacuum?
A: A cocksucker.
Q: Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
A: Because you could easily fit another pair of breasts there.
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
If tomatoes are a fruit, isn't ketchup a smoothie?
Q: What do you call 5 Mexicans in a jacuzzi?
A: Bean dip.
Q: What do you call someone without a nose or a body?