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joke bank - Joke of the Day

Your mama is so ugly that when I told her to do the robot, R2-D2 got herpes.

Today's Joke

ramona

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

Featured on May 30, 2016

rockabillyray

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

Featured on May 28, 2016

Anonymous

Q: Did you hear about the guy who drank 8 Cokes?
A: He burped 7Up.

Featured on May 27, 2016

Anonymous

Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."

Featured on May 26, 2016

Anonymous

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Featured on May 25, 2016

Anonymous

Q: What did the blanket say when it fell of the bed?
A: "Oh sheet!"

Featured on May 24, 2016

gav1467