Chocolate Sundaes is live this Sunday! Catch Tim Allen monthly on our Hollywood stage

joke bank - Insult Jokes

A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

Anonymous

I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla.

LaughFactory

You're so ugly, your husband takes you with him everywhere he goes, so he doesn't have to kiss you goodbye.

LaughFactory

You've got your head so far up your ass you can chew your food twice.

LaughFactory

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

LaughFactory

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Aiden

Your face looks like it caught on fire and somebody tried to put it out with a fork.

rayrayrawrsu

How did giraffes come to be? Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.

greatlover16

You're so ugly that when you were born they didn't slap you they slapped your mom.

Anonymous

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

vicky7867

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: Because they don't know where home is.

the chicken

Q: How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
A: They are fun to ride, but you don’t want your friends to find out.

Anonymous