You know you're getting fat when you say you're fat in front of your friends and nobody corrects you.
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
What's the difference between three penises and a joke? Your mom can't take a joke.
One woman I was dating called and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
You have so many gaps in your teeth, it looks like your tongue is in jail.