Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
Yo momma is so fat she uses a pillow for a tampon.
How to be Insulting in Theaters: If the person sitting in front of you is blocking your view, try adopting an irritating cough, or kicking your feet under their seat. Nasty, wet sneezes down the back of their neck are also effective in persuading them to look elsewhere for a seat.
How to be insulting when giving directions: Point with four fingers when they ask.
How to be Insulting on Public Transportation: Pretend to be foreign when the conductor asks for your fare and try to give him the wrong denomination of money.