Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
A: Santa stops after three hos.
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
A woman had never seen Santa Claus before, but on Christmas Eve night she heard someone come down her chimney so she went downstairs to check it out. ''Oh, it's Santa Claus," she said, "Please stay and chat this is the first time I have met you." Santa replied, "Ho ho ho, I need to go. I need to go!" The lady took off her robe, but Santa said, "Ho ho ho, I need to go. I need to go!" The lady slipped off her nightgown and Santa told her, "Ho ho ho, I need to go. I need to go!" Then the lady removed her panties, and Santa said, ''Hey hey hey, I need to stay. I need to stay, 'cause I can't go up the chimney with my dick this way!"
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it's Halloween.