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joke bank - Family Jokes

A little girl is serving her father tea while her mother is out shopping. The mother comes home and the father says, "Watch this!" The little girl goes and serves the mother tea. The mother responds, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

WhiteHawk

Paddy and Murphy are havin' a pint in the pub, when some scuba divers come on the TV. Paddy says, "Murphy, why is it them deep sea divers always sit on the side of the boat with them air tanks on their backs, and fall backwards out of the boat?" Murphy thinks for a minute then says, "That's easy. It's 'cos if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the friggin boat!"

c sud

Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!

Bookworm

You know you're getting old when your wife says, "Honey, lets run upstairs and make love," and you answer, "I can't do both."

Rimmothy

An Italian mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll kill you." A Jewish mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll kill myself."

Anonymous

An Amish husband, wife and son travel to the city on vacation. They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is). As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down. When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out. The father leans over and whispers to the son, "Son, go get your mother!"

Brandon

Assistant: "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?"
Boss: "Certainly not!"

Assistant: "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding."

TheLaughFa...

Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A chalkboard.

Berry

Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. "Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols." "Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?" Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"

ibryildiz

For a period, Houdini used a trap door in every single show he did…I guess you could say it was a stage he was going through.

madazzahatter

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.

ForgusBorgus

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Anonymous