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Have you heard? Michael Jackson’s last wish was that his body be turned into Legos. So little kids can play with him. It turns out this wish hasn’t been difficult to implement, as his body was already 99% plastic.
Jesus walks into a inn, hands the innkeeper three nails, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
Why is it that skinny men like fat women? Because they need warmth in winter and shade in summer.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
A: The pizza dosen't scream when it's put into an oven.
How do you know if a guy has a high sperm count? She has to chew before she swallows.
Q: In a circle of lesbians, how can you tell which one is the toughest and roughest?
A: She's the one who rolls her own tampons and kick-starts her vibrator.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bath tub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
Q: How do they know that Paul Walker had dandruff?
A: They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
What's the difference between parsley and pubic hair? Nothing. Push them both over and keep on eating.