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joke bank - Blonde Jokes
A couple is trying to have a baby. Finally, the blonde tells her husband, "Honey, I have great news! We're pregnant, and we're having twins!" The husband is overjoyed and says to his wife, "Honey that's wonderful, but how do you know so soon that we're having twins?" She nods her head and says, "Well, I bought the twin pack pregnancy test and they both came out positive!"
Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said, "Look, it's deer tracks." The second one said, "No, it's wolf tracks" and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.
A blonde goes to a soda machine. She puts in a dollar and gets a soda. She does this again and again. A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long. She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Three women (a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette) are lost in the forest while hunting. They each have a shotgun with 2 bullets. They make a fire. Then the redhead gets up and goes hunting. She comes back with 2 rabbits. The other two say, "Wow, where did you get that?" She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw rabbits. Rabbits ran. I shot. Rabbits stopped." Then the brunette leaves and comes back with a deer. The other two say, "Wow, Where did you get that?" She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw deer. Deer ran. I shot. Deer stopped." The blonde leaves and comes crawling back, all bloodied and black and blue. They others say, "Wow, where did you get that?" She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw train. Train ran. I shot. Train didn't stop."
One day a blonde went into the library and asked the librarian, "Can I have a burger and fries?" The librarian replied, "This is the library." Then blonde whispered, "Oh. Can I have a burger and fries?"
A blonde sees a thermos in a store. She asks a clerk, "What is that and what's it for?" The clerk answers, "It's a thermos that keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde says, "I'll take it." When she gets to work, her blonde boss asks, "What is that?" The blonde worker says, "It's a thermos. It keeps cold things cold and hot things hot." "Whatcha got in it?" "A cup of coffee and a Popsicle."
There was once a blonde woman on a plane to Detroit. She was in the economy class, but after takeoff, she saw an empty seat in first class and moved there. An attendant saw her and said, "Excuse me, ma'am, but you have a ticket for economy class, not first. You cannot stay here." The blonde replied, "I can and I will." The attendant told the copilot, who came and talked to the woman. "Ma'am, we really can't have you staying in this seat, your ticket was for economy." "You can't make me move." The copilot told the captain, who tried to talk her out of the seat but it didn't work. Finally, a man who had heard what had been going on told the attendant to let him have a go at getting the woman out of the seat because he was married to a blonde too, so he knew how to deal with her. After a quick chat with her, she moved. The shocked attendant asked him how he did it. The man replied, "I told her first class wasn't going to Detroit."
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run because she has a grenade in her mouth.
A blonde goes into a computer store and asks the clerk, “Where do you keep the curtains for computers?” The clerk answers with a puzzled face, “Curtains for computers? You don’t need curtains for computers.” The blonde’s eyes widen and she shakes her head as she answers, “Hello!?? My computer has Windows!!”
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are all on a building about to jump off. They all jump at the same time. Which one landed last? The blonde because she asked for directions.
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days?
A: Give her a piece of paper that has "Please turn over" written on both sides.