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joke bank - Animal Jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.

Syd the Kyd

Q: What's the importance of capitalization?
A: You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse.

The Fella ...

Q: What happens when you cross a shark with a cow?
A: I don't know but I wouldn't milk it.

Ahadito

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

TheLaughFa...

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish?

Anonymous

A man goes to a strip club with an alligator. He says, "I bet you that I can put my dick into this alligator's mouth for 1 minute, and when I take it out, it will not be damaged. If I succeed, all of you will buy me drinks. If I fail, I will buy all of you drinks." The other men agree and he puts his dick into the alligator's mouth for 1 minute. After 1 minute, he hits the alligator on the head with a beer bottle, and he opens his mouth. To everyone's surprise, his dick is unharmed. "Now, before you buy me drinks, does anybody else want to try?" After a while, someone in the back finally raises their hand. It's a woman. "I guess I can try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a beer bottle."

Anonymous

What did the elephant say to the naked man? "Cute, cute, but can it pick up peanuts?"

tztmama60

What's invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts.

garychatte...

One day a duck walks in a store and ask the manager if they sell grapes. The manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes." The duck goes home and comes back the next day and asks the same question. The manager says the same thing again, "No, we do not sell grapes." The duck goes home, comes back the next day, and asks the manager if they sell grapes. This time the manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes! If you ask one more time, I will nail your beak to the floor!" The duck goes home. It comes back the next day and asks the manager if he has any nails. The manager says, "No, I don't have any nails." The duck says, "Okay, good. Do you sell grapes?"

FuzzyPanda123

Q: What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
A: Decalfeinated.

Anonymous

What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck.

wmancini

A farmer and his brand new bride are riding home in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbles. The farmer says, "That's once." A little further along, the horse stumbles again. The farmer says, "That's twice." When the old horse stumbles again, the farmer quietly reaches under his seat, pulls out a shotgun, and shoots the horse. His brand new bride yells, "That was an awful thing to do!" The farmer says, "That's once."

Anonymous